i am sitting here @ midnight on a friday night drinking a martini...yum!...

i am not at the club, i am not at a pub, just in my room alone

kids in bed sleeping, husband is playing with friends

i think to myself

oh my goodness, where has the time gone?

i am 31

and i am drinking alone

(not something i do alot, don't you judge me, i think, with a smile on my face)

so, i think, what am i writing for?

well, what am i thinking about?

friends, youth, change...

i miss you friends

i miss how easy it was in high school, in my young twenties

hanging out, laughing, no stress, no worries

love, the concept

love, never ending

i feel old

but, funny thing emotions

is it my hormones?

is it that damn martini time?

damn

i am listening to the cure

am i doomed to always be stuck in the past?

old music, old friends, old memories, my old self?

i love my family

wouldn't change it for anything

fact

you would have to kill me

but i miss you

you, long talks

you, laughter without maturity

you, inhibition

you, my youth

you, you terror, wink wink

i feel that my entire life is a contradiction

i feel

i feel

i feel in love

i feel alone

i feel like mom

i feel the need to be needed

i feel the martini

it's martini time

i wish you were here

it's martini time

i wish you understood